whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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