i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
