I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
why is half of my head shaved?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
