We won't sleep together?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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