dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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