This dress was meant to end up on your floor
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Then you guys just all showered together...?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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