I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
