New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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