Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
