he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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