it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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