how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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