Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
