dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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