currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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