Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
