if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
