I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
