dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize