Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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