my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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