i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
