"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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