why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
