Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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