this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
