using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize