you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
