Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
