I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
