I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize