I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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