So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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