He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize