Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize