Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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