the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
