I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
