afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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