It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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