...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize