I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
