im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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