ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
