Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize