Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
