I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
