Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
