its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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