Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
