he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
