The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
