You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
