nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
