nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
