my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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