You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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