So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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