I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
