did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
