Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
