Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
