So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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