Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
