Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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