It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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