I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
