is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
