Duck Duck Cougar?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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