omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
