I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
love makes seman taste better
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The convent might be a nice break from real life
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
