You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
