This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
